My Story
By Battman
I've been hesitating about this for awhile, but I feel a need to share a portion of my past eight years, in hopes that it may help someone, somewhere.
I hesitate out of shame and disgust for some of the things I've done, yet when I look at where I am today, and the opportunities I have to lend a supporting hand, then I know nothing has been in vain.
In 1993 I strayed from a stable but cold marriage. I ended up getting involved with a woman who was an active heroin addict. I knew nothing about drugs or addicts at the time, didn't even know she was on heroin for a long time, although I knew something wasn't right. As time went on I began an all out effort to "make her better". To drive this demon from her, and have her to myself.
In my desperation to find answers, I went to the streets. Although I never got involved in using drugs, I got involved with addicts, whores, drug dealers, everyone I could come in contact with. I wanted to know how they became what they are.
I then began researching and interviewing every rehab, clinic, sober home, counselors, ministers, again everyone I could contact. I spent five long years doing this, and when it was over I began to compile my notes and wrote a book. almost 500 pages, a mix of my life and my mistakes along with the real facts about drug addicts and so called drug programs.
The book was never published. No one would touch it because I told it the way it is. I've since shared it with very few and felt somewhat disappointed that it was now no more than something to take up space in the book case.
I was still with the addict, life was not better and she had no intention of cleaning up. I had just about given up, when one night while searching for a rehab for her, I stumbled onto Alanon. I thought it strange that in all my research I never heard the word Alanon, or Naranon. I went to a few meetings and began to see the madness I was caught up in.
One night, I took my manuscript down and unlike so many times before, I read it as a story. Not looking for errors or correctness. I was shocked at what I'd allowed myself to become. At the things I allowed to be done to me for the sake of an addict. It was then I realized the true value of my story. That through the meetings and the recovery rooms I could share the warning to those men who might be thinking of making the same mistakes I made.
I searched for a local Naranon group, but found none, so I then joined an Alanon group last Jan (2000) of which I still am a member. I became quite active on another site, helping to start a Naranon group in Aug. I then came to EOR shortly after its startup, and began another Naranon group.
A few months ago my addict had to make a choice. It was one of the most difficult things I've had to do, but when she chose to remain on her drugs I had to tell her it would no longer be acceptable to me, she left. I offered her every option to stay, to save our relationship, but she chose instead to go to the street and sell herself for drugs when I would no longer supply the money. It was hard, but if it had not been for this program and the support I've had, I would still be where I was a few short months ago. If you have an addict in your life, Please find a program. Alanon will work if Naranon isn't available.
For those who may be wondering. I never did find an answer to my questions after all those years. The only answer I got came from the head of a very successful rehab in our area.
"LEAVE THEM ALONE !
When they are ready for help, they will seek us out, until then, do
nothing."
I didn't like the answer
then, but today I see the truth in those few words.